How to Get Over Someone: 7 Powerful Steps to Heal Your Heart

INTRODUCTION

Feeling the weight of a breakup can make the world feel like it’s ending. The question of how to get over someone you deeply cared for is one of the most painful questions you’ll ever ask yourself. It’s a profound emotional journey filled with feelings of loss, sadness, and heartbreak. If you’re wondering, “What is the best way to get over a breakup?” you’re not alone. This guide is designed to help you navigate that difficult road.

These seven powerful steps will provide you with a clear roadmap for how to get over someone, heal your emotional pain, and find happiness again. Instead of a quick fix, this is a practical plan for your healing journey, helping you let go of the past and embrace a new beginning. Let’s begin the process of moving on.

Step 1: Allow Yourself to Grieve

The first and most important step in figuring out how to get over someone is to allow yourself to feel the emotional pain. It’s an instinctive reaction to want to ignore the heartbreak, distract yourself, or pretend everything is okay. But you can’t bypass the grieving process; true healing from a broken heart begins with acknowledging the reality of your loss.

Suppressing your feelings—be it sadness, anger, or even relief—is like trying to hold a beach ball underwater. Eventually, it’s going to pop up with even more force. This isn’t about wallowing in misery; it’s about giving yourself permission to process the emotional pain without judgment.

Whether you’re dealing with the shock of a sudden breakup or the slow fade of a long-term relationship, your feelings are valid. This is a crucial part of your healing journey after a breakup.

So, what does this look like in practice? Set aside dedicated time to feel your emotions. Cry if you need to, write in a journal to express what’s on your mind, or talk to a trusted friend or family member about what you’re experiencing. If you find yourself thinking, “I can’t get over him/her,” or “Is it okay to still be sad?” remember that it’s not only okay, but it’s necessary for your mental health.

Seeking professional support from a therapist can also be incredibly helpful. They can provide a safe space and tools for navigating this difficult time. Remember, your grieving process is unique. This is not a race to get over someone quickly. This is the foundation you need to build before you can truly begin the work of moving on.

Step 2: Cut Off Contact and Create Space

After you’ve given yourself permission to grieve, the next vital step in learning how to get over someone is to enforce a strict “no contact” rule. This is often the most difficult yet crucial part of the entire healing journey. You can’t genuinely move on from a breakup if you’re still in regular communication with your ex. Every text, every call, every social media check-in is like reopening a wound that needs to close.

The purpose of the no-contact rule isn’t to be vindictive; it’s about creating the necessary space for your own emotional health. The constant presence of your ex in your life, even digitally, keeps you tethered to the past and prevents you from focusing on your own future.

This is a deliberate, proactive choice to give yourself the emotional breathing room needed for true healing. If you find yourself thinking, “I can’t get over him/her, so maybe we can still be friends,” you must resist that urge. Friendship with an ex is a reward, not a goal, and it can only happen much later—if at all—after you have both completely moved on.

So, what does it mean to create space and cut off contact? It means no phone calls, no text messages, and no late-night DMs. It also means unfollowing or muting them on social media. You need to stop looking at their stories or posts, as this will only hinder your progress. You need to remove the temptation to reach out. This is a key strategy for how to deal with a breakup.

Beyond digital space, consider creating physical and emotional distance as well. Avoid places you know they frequent and temporarily store away mementos or photos. This is all part of a concerted effort to stop thinking about your ex. Creating this separation is a powerful statement to yourself: I am prioritizing my own healing, and I am ready to start recovering from a relationship.

Step 3: Reconnect with Your Inner Self

Once you have established space from your ex, a crucial next step in learning how to get over someone is to shift your focus entirely back to yourself. During a relationship, it’s common to merge identities, sacrificing personal hobbies or interests to accommodate your partner.

Now is the perfect time to rediscover who you are as an individual, independent of the person you were with. This is your chance to embrace your own self-love and embark on a new journey.

Think back to the person you were before the relationship, or even better, imagine the person you want to become. This step is all about building a fulfilling life for yourself. You can’t truly heal from a broken heart if your sense of happiness is still tied to someone else.

Practicing self-care is a powerful way to do this. Take a dance class, join a book club, or start a new fitness routine. Pick up that guitar you haven’t touched in years or begin that creative project you’ve been putting off. The goal is to fill your time and energy with activities that bring you joy and a sense of purpose.

By building a life you love, you begin to see that you are whole and complete on your own. This is a fundamental part of recovering from a relationship and a powerful way to move on from a breakup. Reconnecting with your core self will build a strong foundation for your future and make the question of how to get over your ex feel less daunting.

Step 4: Rebuild Your Support System

The journey of getting over someone is not one you should face alone. While reconnecting with your inner self is essential, so is leaning on your existing support system. Heartbreak often comes with feelings of loneliness, and it can be tempting to withdraw from the world. But now, more than ever, you need the presence of people who care about you.

Your friends and family are your greatest resources during this time. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and tell them what you’re going through. Simply talking to a trusted friend about the pain of recovering from a relationship can lift a heavy weight off your shoulders. Plan a coffee date, invite a friend to see a movie, or just call to chat.

Beyond your existing circle, this is also a great time to expand your connections. Joining a class, volunteering, or getting involved in a community group can introduce you to new people who share your interests. This not only distracts you from focusing on your ex but also helps you build a new life for yourself.

A strong support system is a vital part of your healing journey after a breakup and a powerful reminder that you are loved and valued, completely independent of the person you lost.

Step 5: Forgive, but Don’t Forget

A truly transformative step in learning how to get over someone is embracing forgiveness. This is often the most misunderstood and challenging part of the healing journey. Forgiveness isn’t about condoning your ex’s actions or pretending that everything they did was okay. It’s not a gift you give to them; it’s a profound gift you give to yourself.

You can’t genuinely move on from a breakup while carrying a heavy burden of anger, resentment, and bitterness. Those emotions are a chain that keeps you tied to the past and prevents you from finding peace.

This step is about releasing yourself from the emotional prison of holding a grudge. When you forgive, you’re choosing to let go of the anger so it can no longer control your thoughts and feelings. This allows you to find closure from within, rather than needing it from your ex, which you may never get.

It’s crucial to understand the distinction between forgiving and forgetting. You can forgive the person without forgetting the lessons you learned from the relationship. If it was a toxic relationship, the memory of the experience serves as an important reminder of your boundaries and what you will not tolerate in the future.

Forgiving is the act of letting go of the negative emotional charge, while remembering is the act of integrating the wisdom you gained.

To put this into practice, you might try a guided reflection or a simple journaling exercise. Write a letter to your ex—one you have no intention of sending—detailing all the pain and anger you feel. Then, write a final paragraph where you consciously choose to let that pain go for your own sake.

The goal is to say, “I am releasing you and this pain because I deserve to be free.” Learning how to forgive and let go is a powerful act of self-love that paves the way for a truly new beginning.

Step 6: Learn from the Experience

As you continue on your path of how to get over someone, it’s important to move beyond the immediate emotional pain and engage in thoughtful reflection. The relationship may have ended, but it wasn’t a waste of time. Every experience, good or bad, holds a lesson. This is where you transform your heartbreak into wisdom and build resilience.

Ask yourself honest, introspective questions without judgment: What did this relationship teach me about my own needs, values, and boundaries? What role did I play in the dynamics? What are my non-negotiables for a future partner? The goal isn’t to assign blame, but to gain clarity. This is a key piece of breakup advice and a powerful step in your healing journey.

By taking the time to learn from the past, you are actively preparing for a better future. You’re building your resilience and creating a stronger foundation for yourself. This proactive step helps you understand your patterns, your desires, and your worth, making you a more confident person and a wiser partner in your next relationship. The process of recovering from a relationship isn’t just about moving on; it’s about moving forward as a better, more self-aware version of yourself.

Step 7: Embrace Your New Beginning

After navigating the difficult steps of grieving, separating, and reflecting, you arrive at the final and most empowering part of how to get over someone: embracing your new beginning. This isn’t just about moving on from the past; it’s about stepping into a future that you get to define for yourself. The emotional pain and heartbreak you felt are now part of your story, but they don’t have to define your next chapter.

The goal here is to shift your mindset from “recovering” to “creating.” This is your chance to decide how to feel happy again after a breakup. Start by setting new goals for yourself, both big and small. Maybe you want to learn a new skill, plan a solo trip, or simply establish a new daily routine that brings you peace. This is the moment to put everything you’ve learned—from your newfound self-love to your strengthened resilience—into action.

Embracing this new beginning is a celebration of your journey. You have proven your strength, your ability to heal, and your capacity to love yourself enough to move forward. The process of moving on after a long-term relationship can be difficult, but you have successfully navigated it. You are now free to build a life that is truly and authentically yours, full of new experiences, people, and joy.

Conclusion on how to get over someone

Ultimately, the question of how to get over someone is about more than just moving on; it’s about a deep and personal healing journey. It’s important to remember that this process isn’t a race. You have given yourself permission to grieve, created crucial space, and started the important work of reconnecting with yourself.

You’ve learned valuable lessons and have the resilience to navigate this difficult time. By following these powerful steps, you’ve taken control of your happiness and laid the groundwork for a beautiful new beginning. You have all the strength you need to heal and build a fulfilling life.